Why do teenagers defy parents

Do something out of the ordinary in your interactions with them and see how they respond differently. But if parents create an extensive list of family and house rules that cross over into the realm of overprotection, children — especially teenagers — typically do not respond to this well, nor is it healthy for necessary growth. Home should be a safe place where they want to be, not an unpleasant and confining one they try to avoid. This is the flip side of Item 3 above.

Being a parent is, in some ways, a balancing act between finding the right amount of structure and freedom for each one of your children individually. Sometimes parents give their children too much freedom, so much so that the teenager feels directionless, or worse, unloved.

The changes taking place inside their bodies during these crucial years of development often result in impulsive actions and rash decisions. Sometimes their behavior is unpredictable and surprising even to themselves. There is lots of literature on this subject so if you feel so inclined, educate yourself by doing some reading or talking with a professional for more understanding on how hormones affect teenage behavior. Many parents feel the need to express their concerns to their rebellious teen on a regular basis, constantly reiterating to them how worried they are for them.

Teen rebellion is not a new concept for most of us, especially parents. It has been around ever since children inhabited the earth. Even you would have acted defiantly as a teenager. Remember constantly yelling over nothing or slamming doors? Every teen would undergo this tumultuous phase. But the question is, why do teens become rebellious? What are the underlying causes of teen rebellion? Understanding why your teen is acting defiantly is crucial to understand what you can do about it.

When kids enter into their adolescent years, they may struggle for knowing their own identity. When parents pay no heed to their questions, they end up assuming everything on their own. They become rebellious and want to take decisions for themselves. Struggling for independence could be one of the reasons of teen rebellion.

Understandably, when a kid moves into adolescence, he would expect to attain more freedom and independence from his parents and family. This is something any normal teen would demand.

It has emerged that the emotional region of the brain develops to maturity ahead of the part of the brain that controls rational thought. In other words, teenagers have well-developed emotions and feelings but have still not acquired the ability to think things through. When they act impulsively, and do the kind of dangerous things an adult would avoid, their brain's late development might be to blame.

Teenagers' well developed emotions could also be the cause of another characteristic they are often accused of - moodiness. Home Explore the BBC. This page has been archived and is no longer updated. Find out more about page archiving.

Prehistoric Life. The mind. Psychology - an overview. I take her ohine off her and she destroys my house. Shouts and hurls abuse. What have I done for her to hate me so much? I work full time to provide, she constantly tells me I am a fat cow and a psycho. Will not lift a finger, I come home from 12 hour shift to a bomb site and she just tells me to fick off when I ask her to clean her mess. I can only hope one day she realises the hell she has put me and her sister through for years.

I cry every day. My daughter talks hatefully or screams when we try asking her something but not all the time.

My niece is She is very disrespectful to her mom. Her mother cleans the house, makes the food, helps them with their homework, washes their clothes, and works a night shift at a local warehouse. Coming home at 4am to make her husband his lunch for work because he works from 5am to 2 or 3 pm. She does everything herself. If you want me to do something you have to ask me. She has a boyfriend, and has stated that she will move out and live with him.

If she is not, the response is either a total ingoring of the request. If my sister in law repeates the request and my niece is NOT in the mood to comply, her response is a screamed insult along the lines of what I said previously that my niece says to her mother.

Most of the time my sister in law will repeatedly request my niece to do what she has asked and will ignore the behaviour. But, when my niece begins screaming and hurling insults, by this point, her mother will lose her calm and begin shouting at my niece. How long has your niece acted that way towards her mother? Could it be a hormonal issue? Does she or has she ever been bullied at school? Sometimes things such as those can be an underlying issue for the anger.

They are not by any means an excuse, just the cause that needs to be addressed. There are some awesome anger management programs out there as well as counseling that may be helpful. My daughter was diagnosed with O. Once the teenage years hit we had struggles again and then I knew how to handle it for the most part.

I hope that is helpful. Is he in education? And is he doing okay in his studies? I used to stay out all night when I was Not every night though! The main thing is whether he is achieving anything in his life generally. I have a 15 years old daughter where she cannot abide by the curfew she set her own..

I just warned her and let her set her own curfew and the very day itself she breaks it.. Cathrine, I was a rebellious teen around that age. I do think throwing her out is extreme. Living outside of her home would be seriously dangerous for her. At this age, living on the streets or even with a friend , leaves her open to predators that prey upon young people. I suggest sitting down with her, explaining that, because you trusted her and allowed her to set her own curfew, and her brealing it time and again, that she has broken your trust and, due to that, she will be losing the priviledges she has.

That you set a curfew, not because you wish to curtail her fun, but because you want her safe and well-rested. That it is not fair to you OR to her when she breaks her word. Like the boy who cried wolf. That you do what you have to to make sure she has a roof over her head, that she has hot water to shower with, clean clothes to wear, food to eat, and priviledges such as a cellphone, going out with friends, etc.

That she will have to work to gain those things back. That she will have to prove that she respects your efforts, care, and rules.

That she will have to earn your trust back. If she continues to leave and not answer your calls or come home on time, call the police and report her as a runaway, and that you would like for her to stay the night in jail if she is found.

Make sure she knows what you will do. Hopefully, if she sees the police and experiences the repercussions of disobeying the rules, she will appreciate the things she has and the home and caring family she is so lucky to have.

She is 15, she should definitely not be making her own curfew, in doing so you are allowing her to make her own rules. Turned out he had stolen it and hidden it under his mattress and was waiting until we were all asleep at night to go on it!

I only found out because I got an app that notifies me when someone connects to internet. And I finally busted him. WiFi router now kept in our bedroom and unplugged at night. His mum is here btw. That is who i meant, not my mum! We have remained consistent and really cracked down on his behaviour.

After we finally removed the last hidden screen device he had a complete meltdown but since ten has been a bit better. Also he went back to school and has benefited from more exercise and contact with other kids. He also has to get up in the morning for school. So he is a lot more tired at night therefore less likely to kick off and keep us awake.

Seems to be turning a corner, fingers crossed. Yesterday he swore at me but immediately apologised. We saw a psychologist in the end. He refused to go but we went to get some parenting advice. All we can do is have consistent boundaries and consequences and not budge. But also focus on positives, however small. The occasional unexpected treat also helps, and occasionally just letting some bad behaviour go by.

Also advised by friends to get him involved in as much physical activity as possible. At one point I literally dragged him out of bed and all the way down the stairs so he would come to the beach for a walk. Best of luck with your tribulations! Very good advice. Thank you so much. But whatif he does not object openly but does contrary to every order.

My 12 yr old son clearly has ODD. Never diagnosed but ticks all the boxes. He has been difficult all his life. Interesting that some recommend overlooking some of the awful behaviours and others recommend draconian measures. We are consistent about consequences but he never seems to learn.

You would have thought that losing access to his beloved phone and computer would make him think twice but he would rather defy us on even a small matter despite knowing for certain he will lose his screens for 24 hours.

He is relatively well behaved at school but is awful to his family. I probably need to focus more on his good behaviours because he is good in some ways, helps around the house in small ways. IBut it is overshadowed by his complete refusal to accept any rules.

I wish he could understand that life would be easier for him if he could play the game a little rather than being in a constant state of rebellion over everything. I feel empathy for you and for myself. He does complain about his dad not being affectionate enough and he plays his dad and gets almost everything he wants, haircuts, electronics, cell phones, and they can stay up all night for all he cares.

But you on the other hand are there with him as a father figure along with your mom his grandma! However, I must ask, where is his mum in all this? He refuses to come along when we go out of the house. Does you son have any interest in any sports? Ideally team sports? He has aggression he needs to work through and understand.

Being allowed to exert himself physically could help calm him. The team aspect will give him a sense of belonging and working as a group. Martial arts is another means of learning respect for yourself and others while allowing for some exertion. You sound like you are attentive to your son, which is more than a lot of parents.

Some parents feel overwhelmed with life in general and only sporadically enforce boundaries. This leaves an opening for even more tension and defiance.

The key is coming up with a sensible plan that you are absolutely sure you will maintain and be consistent with, that will allow your kid to grow as a person. When that does happen, leave emotion out of it, but be sure to follow through every time.

I think kids crave boundaries without knowing it. The world is a confusing place for young people and boundaries make it less so. Yes he likes badminton and is very good at it but sadly it has been banned for the past year due to Covid Most outdoor sports have been stopped for most of the year too, as have gyms.

So this has really exacerbated the situation. The U. We are continuing with very strict boundaries. At the moment he is keen to get a new computer monitor so appears to be willing to make a bit of effort to try and get to that particular reward.

I love her but the nasty disrespectful mouth has to go. Generally a teenage has lot of things going inside their mind which they are confused about as to whom should they share with. Elders will generally despite their behaviour. This inturn makes them behave the way they do. Most of the behaviours have an antecedent factor. Try working on that rather than on behaviour. Things will become better.